This is not a cry for help. (Don't worry, Mom!) It's more of an observation. This blog is best when I'm completely honest....
In about 4 weeks two tiny people will be joining our household for the next ~18 years, and that is starting to scare the shit out of me. Normal?
Our DINK life is over, forever. We've had such a spectacular life.
If anyone is monitoring my standing, I'm officially in the freak out mode. But, I didn't need to state the obvious.
I hope I don't fail on most levels of fatherhood.
I hope I figure out fatherhood, because right now when I think about fatherhood it's on the same level as when I think about taking a road trip with Oprah. I can imagine how fun it's going to be, but it doesn't seem like it's really ever going to happen. Except it IS happening.
I hope I don't forget to feed one of the babies - one time I was really busy with work and I forgot to feed Trigger, our non-human son. It happened. We should talk about it. I'm sorry Trigger. It's only happened once. So far.
I hope I don't forget to feed the non human babies. Trigger, Dooley, and Matt Damon we need to work together.
I hope I can still have a career. I have more accomplishments to achieve. Do primary caregivers with babies still achieve things?
I hope I don't become one of those extreme child focused parents that forgets about their marriage. I see that a lot. I think it happens slowly. I still want my husband to look at me like I'm the most beautiful person in the world even though I am not. I still want my favorite moments in life to revolve around my husband.
I hope so many things right now as I sit on the edge of fatherhood. Fatherhood.
I'm certain I will find the courage, as all fathers do; but, right now my eyes are wide open, my mind is dazed, and I'm not on any drugs. What's wrong with me? Fatherhood?
It's happening.
I'm going to have a son and a daughter. I am going to be a father! A father. For. The. Rest. Of. My. Life.
Should I count to three and jump? F this. just jump-
You need not worry about any thing. Because you are aware of pitfalls that you have witnessed or read about, you won't make those mistakes. You have awareness; you are such a loving person. You've got this. I am certain. Everything will only be enhanced and made more wonderful.
ReplyDeleteSo when is the "road trip with Oprah," and why haven't you told me about it?
ReplyDelete