Birthday Boy

My husband was born 33 years ago today.  Today is a day I celebrate with enormous enthusiasm,  much excitement, and never-ending-appreciation.

I'm so glad my husband was born.

Happy Birthday Honey!

Thank You Del

Our friend Del stayed with us for almost a month while he was working in Dallas, and it was a joyous set of weeks.  He just joined our household while he was here.  He took care of the dogs when we were out of town.  He went grocery shopping when the pantry was low.  He even picked up the check at dinner numerous times.  He is the most enjoyable house guest ever!

While he was here he overheard me inform my husband that I needed a second pillow for our red leather love seat.  My husband shot me down, because he doesn't like me to spend money on stuff for the house.  He thinks the stuff for the house is want not a need.   Del tracked down Wisteria in Dallas, purchased the pillow, and gave it to me as a "because you should have it" gift.   I thought it was tremendously thoughtful.  Doesn't it look nice on the couch?

Del is also on to me.  He said I have this "thing" where I have at least two of everything I love, which is why he knew I needed a second pillow.  He started going around the house pointing out all my multiples: from scissors, to sharpies, to pillows, to chairs, to home accessories...if I like something, then I usually own at least two of them.  I'm slightly ashamed to say it's true.  I've known this about my personality for years, my parents used to call me a "pack rat," but I usually try to hide it from the world (mainly my husband).

Del's daughter came to visit this weekend and he acted out this bit in front of me and his daughter where he pulled out all my scissors and said: "You don't need all them scissors.  When will you need twelve scissors?  What will you be cutting?"  It's a funny bit.  He did it again with my stash of sharpies and pens.  We were all laughing.

I think I need a second house to hide all my seconds.

Linear Not Parallel

Early one morning on my way to my client's corporate headquarters I stopped to purchase 60 breakfast taquitos at Whataburger.  I am a participating member of my client's "Breakfast Club."  The young lady didn't blink when I ordered 20 sausage egg and cheese, 20 bacon egg and cheese, and 20 potato egg and cheese taquitos; plus I ordered a large coffee that I was going to enjoy while I waited.  My bill was over $150.  I thought my type of order had to be rare, but she showed no sign of amusement.

Three minutes later another man walked in and ordered one bacon egg and cheese taquito, and he requested light on the eggs. The two of us began watching the team make taquitos ten at a time.

Three minutes later he looked over at me, the only other person in Whataburger, and asked how many taquitos I ordered?  

"Sixty." I informed him politely as I sipped on my black coffee.

"SIXTY!" He repeated in a panicked and annoyed tone.  He was shocked.  I could feel his anger build.  He looked over at me again and claimed that he was about to make a scene.  The man, who had been waiting less than five minutes, demanded his money back.  At which point they took one of the taquitos from my stack and packaged it up for him; he wasn't happy because he asked for less eggs.  They gave him his money back.  He walked out in a ball of anger without any food.

The team returned to processing my order; I was in and out in less than fifteen minutes with my 60 taquitos which was efficient.  It was a big hit at the office to walk in with hot breakfast tacos.  I got laughs when I retold the story about the poor guy that ordered one breakfast taco after I ordered sixty.  The linear process flow was not his friend.

I can't stop thinking about the angry man though.  Attitude is a choice.  This man could have laughed at the ridiculousness of processing my 60 tacos before they processed his one.  Think about it.  That's funny.  Maybe he could have used humor to get the team to process his one taco faster?  Instead the man got angry.  He was mad; he was mad at me for ordering 60.  He belittled the fast food employees.   He stormed out of the restaurant.   Do  you think his whole life is like that?  Do you think he always picks anger?  Attitude is a choice.

I pick happiness.

My Girls Get American Girls

This was the weekend that our nieces received birthday gifts from my husband and me.  It was a belated gift to Presley and an early gift to Paxten.  My husband was out of town, so my parents got lassoed into the American Girl adventure.  It was an adventure.  Have you been to that store?  Grab a girl and go to their store.

First, you must recognize that American Girl is a marketing machine.  It knows how to get you to happily purchase expensive dolls.  I want to buy a doll for myself after hanging out in the store.  (Not joking.)

Second, you must recognize that American Girl's mission is to encourage girls to be their best.  I like that mission.  It uses books, dolls, and movies to inspire little ladies.   If we can parlay an American Girl doll into my nieces reading American Girl books, then we're winning.  I think so.

My husband and I purchased the dolls.  My parents purchased the beds.  Presley and Paxten were very captivated by their American Girl loot.

It's fun being an uncle.

Thank You Obama

US asks Supreme Court to strike down law denying benefits to same-sex couples. Read it.

(Thank you President Obama)

QOTD

"To embrace gay rights, Republicans don’t need to abandon cultural conservatism. To the contrary, an unthinking, bigoted opposition to gay equality is preventing Republicans from fashioning a more meaningful culturally conservative message for today’s age. The real threats to traditional values in America today don’t come from committed, monogamous gays and lesbians. They come from the breakdown of marriage among straight Americans, especially poor, straight Americans. For today’s GOP, seriously addressing the cultural and economic reasons that so many straight marriages fail is a better long-term political strategy than continuing to try to bar lesbians and gays from getting married in the first place."

- The Daily Beast (Peter Berinart)

Two Men

Anytime I see a gay couple in media I take note.  I was very pleased to see Elton and David on the cover of Architectural Digest.  It's their home.  Both of them should be on the cover.  Love it.

We're headed in the right direction!  Love it more.

Meatballs

I was channeling my inner Pioneer Woman this morning.  If only for one photo. I was planning on taking step by step photos me cooking our meatball lunch.  Here's the first photo.  It was also the last photo.  At least my husband, my husband's parents, and our beloved Del seemed to think they were delicious.

I was rolling my meatballs when my husband's parents called.  My husband informed them lunch was already in process and invited his parents to join us for an impromptu lunch at our house.  My husband's mother first asked: "do you have enough?" and then it occurred to her that I was in the kitchen.  She laughed and said they'd be here in a hour.  Yes, I wasn't rolling out 12 meatballs.  I was rolling out 52 meatballs.  I cook for a crowd, always.  It's just my cooking comfort zone.   

Passed Out

Sometimes our baby girl, Dooley, gets tired from playing with her cousin Bitsy Mae and her brother Trigger.   When she's worn out she passes out.

A Day of Love

I hope you celebrate the many different levels of love that are found in your life- each and every day. Happy Valentine's Day!

Craig Wilson of USA today wrote the following for his Final Word column.  I thought it was worthy of sharing...

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"Final Word: I'll tell you what Valentine's is like

You meet the most interesting people while buying cards for your husband.

I was shopping for Valentine's Day cards the other day, one for my 93-year-old mother who sadly will not remember receiving one, and one for my partner of 29 years who would remind me immediately if he did not.

He is in Africa on business this week. His valentine is tucked deep in his suitcase. Cupid travels.

As I was looking over the cards, a young woman was doing the same. We did a pas de deux along the wall and finally started talking. She said she was buying a card for her new husband. I said I was buying one for my husband, too. There was a pause, and she stared at me for what seemed like hours. It was probably three seconds.

"What's that like?" she finally asked. At first I was taken aback. "What's that like?"

I then told her life was good, that I had married Jack a couple of years ago after almost three decades together, and that gay people in America are now so mainstream that the president mentions the Stonewall riot in his inaugural address and the Boy Scouts are debating whether to allow us in their ranks.

"Yes," she said, "you people seem to be everywhere these days!"

We laughed, and I admitted that I feared gays were becoming so common we were turning into Ozzie and Harriet, although I had to explain to her who Ozzie and Harriet were. I told her there was a time, not that long ago, when gays were exotic. Interesting, even. She seemed to understand.

She then wished me a happy Valentine's Day, took her card to the counter, and was gone. But her question lingered. "What's that like?"

I like to think myself as introspective as the next guy, but I've never really stopped and asked myself what my life as a gay man "was like." It's always just been. Mostly good. At times challenging. Often as normal and boring as, yes, Ozzie and Harriet.

I often look at my neighbors' daily lives. The single. The divorced. The married. The ones who hustle their kids off to school every morning, racing against the clock. And I'll have to admit, on more than one occasion, I've also wondered:

What's that like?

Happy Valentine's Day."

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I want to know...

...is it wrong that I enjoy telling my husband about newly discovered highly priced pieces of furniture I adore only because I know it makes him a little bit nervous?

I am controlled by the limits my husband puts on my spending.  Sometimes I want him to sweat, because it reminds him of the enormous amount of self control I am continuously exerting for the benefit of our marriage and our future...

The first year of marriage I purchased a table and two chairs on my lunch hour.  The total cost was around $1,400.  I did not consult my husband prior to the purchase.  That causes a bit of marital drama.  Today we affectionately refer to the table as the "divorce table."  Ah, we can laugh today.  We weren't laughing in 2007.  I have a passion for art, furniture, and home accessories.  To help me be successful, my husband is the CFO of our household.  He controls our money.  He controls me!

This week I called my husband to tell him I needed to pay my Amex card, and I asked him if we had enough money in the checking account to cover the $1,200 bill.  I heard the slightest chuckle before he answered yes.  My next question: "how much money is in our checking account?"  My husband replied with "What?"  I've learned when my husband doesn't know how to answer me he pretends to not hear me.  I'm sure he was logging onto our checking account at that very "what?" moment and moving funds.  "We have enough to cover your bill."

My husband is gone a lot in pursuit of his MBA.  He doesn't have to worry about me cheating on him; with the exception of Matt Damon.  If the situation ever presents itself I can have a torrid love affair with the oh-so-manly Matt Damon; my husband has given me a hall pass for Matt Damon.   (Do you think Matt Damon has a hall pass from his wife to have an affair with an unknown gay guy?!)  My husband does have to worry about my spending.  At times I like to make him worry...

I saw this hand carved white marble coffee table at MeCox over the weekend.  The price?  $5,800.  In a store that also has a $10,000 coffee table that's not so insane.  In real life (even in a DINK household) that's an insane amount of money to spend for a piece of furniture.  This table is more art than furniture though.  The picture doesn't capture its beauty; it's beautiful to see in person.  Of course I am not an insane person (don't tell my husband), and I wouldn't spend that much money on furniture unless we were HNW individuals.  This coffee table would look spectacular in our home!

My point for this post is that marriage has improved me. I am more disciplined with my spending.  This spending example is just one example of how you can gain strength from your spouse.  I love being married to my husband.   He has made me a better individual.  

QOTD

"There are a lot of problems here, and him being gay is not one of them."


-The grandmother that made this statement as she walked out of her church because the pastor was preaching an anti-LGBT sermon. Read the story here.

Empty Chair

My husband was gone this weekend.  He's getting his MBA.  Usually I go to yoga, cook a meal, and wait for him to return.  I'm not motivated to do things when he's gone.  This weekend my friends Dave and Myranda took me to dinner on Friday, and my friend Del took me to dinner on Saturday.  There was an empty chair at our table; I missed my husband, but it's nice to have lovely friends that keep me in motion when he's out of town.

QOTD

"Chief Warrant Officer and LGBT activist Charlie Morgan died this morning after a long battle with breast cancer. She leaves behind her wife Karen and young daughter Casey Elena. Her wife will not receive the same survivors' military benefits that heterosexual couples are awarded."

- Towleroad 

We think the United States of America is a civilized society; yet a soldier's family will not get the benefits they have earned only because they are gay.  It amplifies the hardship on the family, right?  Our nation can do better.  I hope.

As a reminder: No one is asking for special treatment when we speak of equal rights; we are only asking for equal treatment.  Why is it so difficult to give gay people the same rights as straight people?  This shouldn't be difficult.

I'm sending love to Charlie's family...and I hope you will too.

Same Love

My brother found this video and disseminated it in a family email thread.  It makes my heart weep with happiness and sadness.

This video could have been a highlight film from my life, and the part I most related to is when the couple is holding hands and jumping from the cliff into the water.  That's what my husband and I are doing in life; we're holding hands and jumping in...

Dana Malcolm Art

One of the many great things about being gay is that you can do gay things.  I found this incredible 24" by 30" oil on canvas painting by artist Dana Malcolm at the Lyman-Eyer Gallery.  I think it's interesting, bold, and blue!  Art is all about "what does it mean to you?" and "how does it make you feel?"  This painting makes me think of endless summers, a white sand beach, a warm sun, a cool ocean, and the fleeting beauty of youth.   This painting belongs in a gay man's house, right?!

I cannot purchase art right now.  We're saving for a baby and paying for my husband's MBA.  But you don't  have to buy art in order to appreciate art.  I hope Dana Malcolm never stops painting.

Alabaster Easter Eggs

My husband and our February house guest, Del, think it's too early to break out the Easter decorations, but I like to get the party started.  I love my alabaster Easter eggs.  They add a pop of color in the breakfast nook and the dinning room.  I used my Christmas present Williams-Sonoma gift cards to buy more alabaster Easter eggs in February.  It works.

Happy Easter!

Skyfall

I realize I'm a little late to this party, but we rarely go to the movie theater any more, which means I just now saw the most recent James Bond film Skyfall.  It might be my favorite of the franchise.  I was giggling like a gay man after watching the brief homoerotic moment of the film.  The Bond villain (Javier Bardem) has (the always womanizing) Bond (Daniel Craig) tied up and starts to fondle 007's sexy chest.  When the villain suggests this is the first time Bond has been handled in such a way by another man, Bond replies: ‘What makes you think this is my first time?’

This is where I giggled.  Oh Bond you're always such a flirt.  Well played.

I love this moment in the film.  How do you terrify a straight man?  Tie them up, caress their chest, and imply that they are about to get man-handled!  And since Bond has objectified women his entire career it was a nice balance of karma for him to be objectified by another man.  (Turnabout's fair play.)

Yes, the times are changing when a homoerotic moment appears (for a brief moment) in a James Bond film!  It's a good sign for the gay people of the world, right?

Perry

I guess Rick Perry is not the governor of all Texas citizens?  I guess he's just the governor of all straight (and narrow) Texas citizens?  Did you read about his speech to the Boy Scouts?  Governor Perry doesn't want gays in Boy Scouts.  The Governor's stance sends a negative message to the gay youth of Texas.  (Hey Perry: the children are always listening.)

How does this guy keep getting elected?

Of course he doesn't understand the necessary evolution of a relevant society.  Yes, Governor Perry, times are always changing.  Thankfully.  At one time in American history you could own another individual.  At one time in American history women didn't have the right to vote.  At one time in American history interracial marriage was illegal.

The times are changing.  Thankfully.

To the gay youth of Texas: ignore what this ignorant man is saying.  You are equal to (not less than) your straight friends.  I promise.

Dinner with Del

Hooray!  Our beloved friend Del is spending the month with us while he's working in Dallas.  He officiated our wedding in 2006; he's more than a friend he's family.  We really enjoy having him under our roof.  While we were at yoga he was cooking supper.  He found my cast iron skillets and was cooking like only a Southern man can.  He cooked his fake fried chicken (think Shake N Bake but with more dynamic flavors), fake fried chicken livers, garlic and bacon green beans, whipped potatoes, and a mixed green salad.

It was deliciousness!  Maybe he can stay for a few months?

God Bless America and Jeep and Oprah

Oprah's Jeep commercial is my favorite Super Bowl commercial of the night.  My second favorite commercial was Paul Harvey's "so God made a farmer" Dodge commercial...

Bad Husband Good Husband

After our 2006 wedding, I recall a conversation with my mother on the key to a successful marriage.  My parents are approaching 40 years of marriage, and her advice is always appreciated.  My mother told me that it is easy to coast in marriage.  She said it's easy to focus on children, careers, and other life events at the expense of your marriage.  Her advice was to never neglect the marriage.  You have to pay attention to the relationship at all times.

Fast forward to 2013 (last week) my husband is focused on his career, his MBA; I'm focused on my career.  Last week we only clocked 36 hours in the same city.  On Tuesday my husband called.  We chit chatted for a minute. I asked what he wanted to talk about?  He didn't have anything planed.  So I wanted to hang up the phone.  "Love you.  Talk to you later."

I was busy.  He didn't bring an agenda to the phone call.  I didn't have time for chit chat.

My husband rang a few minutes later and he called me out for coasting in our marriage.  My husband said I had checked out of the marriage as my mind was focused on my work.

I thought about it.

I agreed.

I'm glad he called to call me out.

We went on to have a great thirty minute conversation.  My mother predicted it.  It's shockingly easy to neglect a marriage when life gets busy.

I love my husband.