Epic Fail

On Sunday, my husband and I stopped by my grandparents' house with intentions of brightening up my grandmother's afternoon.  Delighting the grandparents is one thing a grandchild (and their spouse) can do at any age.  My grandmother is sick with cancer.  Her body is deteriorating, but her mind is still solid enough to carry on a conversation.  Towards the end of our visit my grandfather was showing my husband and my father his coin collection.  I was sitting next to my grandmother's wheelchair, I took her hand and felt her soft skin, and then I started crying.  I tried not to cry, but that made it worse.  My grandmother saw that I was crying and she got upset.  (So much for bring her happiness.)  I couldn't talk.  I couldn't stop crying.  All I could do was try to fight back tears as I listened to my grandmother ask me why I was crying... 

My grandmother was very worried. (I failed to bring delight.)  Eventually she asked if I was crying because of her health?  I shook my head up and down slightly as I smiled at her.  She told me not to worry.  She said she had the best team of doctors and she was going to fight to get better.  I sat next to her for a bit longer as she held my hand.  I eventually regained my ability to speak and I told her I loved her.  She told me that I had been sweet my whole life, and she wondered how her grandson got to be so sweet? We laughed.  We hugged.  I started running through my life with her...

Do you remember when I walked to your classroom after school?

Do you remember when you were my 4th grade English teacher?

Do you remember all those trips to the museums?

Do you remember Sunday lunches? Your dinner rolls?

Do you remember the cabin in the country? The tornado?

Do you remember, do you remember, do you remember...

By the end of our conversation, I hope, she had forgotten that I was the crying mess she was trying to comfort.   We ended my visit with "I love yous," and she wanted to know, specifically, when I'd be back to visit.