Our Modern Family

My husband and I were both 23 years old when we first fell in love. Within weeks of first meeting we started speaking in terms of our future together. During late-night pillow talks we would discuss our options for having children: 1) adoption 2) surrogacy 3) kidnapping our sibling's children; or we could forgo the joys of fatherhood in this life and become incredible uncles and focused lovers. Our plan was to have an open and ongoing discussion regarding children until we were 30 years old. We would never reach a conclusion; we'd just look at the facts and keep on talking about what-ifs.

So, when we were 23 we said we'd talk about it until we reached 30...this is the year we turn 30 years old. (Hit play on Deana Carter's Strawberry Wine: "I still remember when thirty was old")

We have had many discussions in the past few years about having children. We know for sure that we would provide an incredible, loving, and dedicated home to rear a child or children. What we don't know for sure is how we could afford surrogacy, which is estimated to cost between $75K and $100K. What we don't know for sure is if we would ever be picked by a mother to adopt her baby; plus, fees associated with adoption for our friends cost about $35K per child. For gay men it is a huge financial commitment to bring children into the family. The women I work with pay a one time $20 co-pay and then our health insurance covers the rest of the cost associated with having a baby; plus the women get 12-weeks of paid maternity leave and a guaranteed spot when they return. My work would give me an unpaid leave without any guarantees.

My only point, is that male homos have many more financial hoops to jump through than heteros or female homos. Gay men must have money in order to have kids.

Good thing we haven't turned 30 yet because we're still navigating through all our options.